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| Court day 3-27-12 |
To give you a little picture, I'll try to recreate an exercise that we were led through at our host parent training that went something like this....
There is an emergency and you must leave your home with only 3 items/people. What will they be? Write it down, as that makes it more concrete and you HAVE to choose. Not so easy when it comes right down to it? Most people at training could do this, though some squirming was involved - and trying to weasel in extras (like a suitcase for one item, but it is full of other things - no fair!).
Next, you take those items and travel to another area of the room to settle a moment. Bad news - tragedy strikes and there is only the ability for you to take two of the items/people with you this time. One must stay behind. What will it be? Getting harder? Seriously, write down and leave behind one of them. Tough!
Finally, we traveled to a last area and rested a bit. You guessed it - have to go on with only one item/person. At this point folks in training were getting pretty stressed. Often choosing that one most important item/person was truly painful to think about! And this was not real.
In the end, we discussed it all to find that basically everyone gave up everything in order to have a family member stay with them - a spouse, child, parent, or grandchild. Family was over all else.
A few lessons that stuck with me from it? One, every time we made a "move" we had choices to make, made them, and settled in. Then, someone forced us to move again, choose again, and we didn't like it! So it is with V and others in his old situation. They are unable to "settle" in one place, they are told when/where to go, sometimes they have limited choices in things to take along, sometimes not. We didn't like it at all - I'm sure that pales in comparison to their experiences by far.
The biggest point we were led to was this: children who are hosted and/or adopted, especially internationally, must decide to give up what they have in order to get what we hold most dear. To have a stable family, they must leave their birth country, sometimes extended family, learn a new language, leave very close friends (who often were their support in surviving to this point), and accept new everything, trusting people that they barely know with their futures. It is not easy at all. Giving up all that you have to get what you want and need most is risky. Some are scared, some are saddened. Some cannot do it. I understand why much more now.
Today, the court asked V to sign a paper stating that he'd like to be adopted into our family. He is 14, so that is his choice. We were there to agree, but if he'd said no, he would be heading back to his orphanage today. It does happen, more than you'd think. Understandable but so, so sad. Thankfully he said, "Yes," so the court considered our request to take him home to America while paperwork in Latvia is finished. They agreed to that request. So, on 3/31, the three of us will fly to Maryland together. One parent and Vitaly return to Latvia in a few months to finalize the adoption. (FYI - the kids have one last chance to say no at that final court gathering.) We fly home again. Then, a bit after that, a return to Latvia is in order so the Embassy can handle their paperwork for his citizenship. At that point, he will be able to attend school in America. Until then, Bryan and I will tag team in homeschooling him.
I think that catches us up, especially giving those of you who are new to this process a better picture of the long-term requirements.
Later today we plan to visit one of the orphanages where he lived so that he can see and say goodbye to friends. A big day! You may even get two blog entries :) We'll see.
Thanks to all who are praying. Much peace today, despite serious concern that I might toss my cookies on the floor of the court.
Rejoicing,
Sue, with Bryan and Vitaly
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