Bits and Pieces with Questions

So many remaining pix and thoughts and questions as we spend our last few hours in Latvia for the first time.  Sharing a few here....

last day living in Latvia

bonding time?  how about tickle sessions?

Aleks and V's remote controlled cars were a hit

v's preferred place to drive the cars?  right in front of the Freedom Monument in Riga with about a gazillion people passing by - "it's okay mom"  yeah, yeah.....

visa doctor visit

American Embassy, Riga 

farewell party for V at orphanage :)

gifts for him

sports area in front of children's home

ay, yi, yi....

mom - it's okay; i don't know bout that.....

okay, where are the boys at this place?????

leaving for a new chapter of life

last but not least - yogurt lovers - you MUST try this!

And for a few questions:  

1.  Who are the rest of these kids' families?  Got to be out there somewhere!

2.  How can I help more kids? PLEASE don't tell me to care for the ones I have and be content!  I might get cranky!  Being content is healthy in some areas, but not when there are people hurting and we can do something about it.
3.  Anyone know of a 4 bedroom home/apartment available in our school zone so that we can host more kids?
4.  Anyone have extra cash?  That is basically what stands between the kids and families in many cases.
5. What will V's school situation look like?
6.  How will Nate, Andrew, and Jordan adjust to full time brothering another?
7.  How will I work full-time and manage all of the newness?
8.  When will we return to Latvia?
9.  Who will host Juri and Mareks from V's orphanage this summer????
10.  Why has God given us such a tremendous blessing of 4 incredible (not perfect!) boys?

Could go on and on and on but the taxi arrives at 3:45am our time, so wrapping it up soon.  Let you know when we arrive, then on to discovering the new normal.

Leaving part of my heart with some very special kids here, but excited to arrive home to some very special kids there with another very special kid in tow!
Sue

Ups and Downs

So much help goes into an adoption.  I've talked a lot about many of our friends and family, other adoptive families, and workers in America.  Today, though, I'm thinking about the men and women in Latvia who make this possible.  Not just possible, but most of them make it a celebration.  They love what they do and they give all they can to these children before, during, and sometimes after families are brought together.

Daina probably won't like this, but I think it shows you how joyful she is!  She is the very efficient but humorous and caring lawyer who steers us through everything from what taxi to use to where to get visa photos taken to getting our passports back after we forget them at the court building :( oops.  Gatis is her son and the driver for all of the official stuff.  Quiet, but reliable and very willing to chat with an energetic teen boy who is totally into the car and the radio stations and the sunroof and .......

*Dace - the translator - kind, funny, and goes out of her way to make us comfortable and understood
*Baiba - social worker with a LOT on her hands
*Dace - another social worker - shoots straight and I like that!
*a gazillion court workers who ask questions, read documents, and make decisions in the best interest of the child
*Doctors/Psychiatrist - review files; check immunizations and health records
*Embassy officials - interview and prepare visa
*Inese - foster mom who finds wonderful, reasonably priced apartments for adopting families
*Agnes - landlord who sends the TV guy to switch our channels to mostly English
*Jaycee - picks up from airport and joins us for a meal to talk about helping the kids here; makes the loudest pteryodactyl type of noise I've ever heard that will be a fond memory for V forever ;)
*Brumels family and Gilmore family - kept us company and guided us around the city
*Ilze - caregiver at one of V's orphanages who welcomed us and was clearly happy to see him again
*Director of the orphanage - willing to let us come to say goodbye to friends
*New Horizons staff - interviewed kids and chose V for hosting way back last year

I'm sure that I've forgotten some, as well as knowing that many are behind the scenes working hard for these kids.  I have been frustrated many, many times through the requirements and waiting of this process.  But when there are names and faces, as well as hugs and smiles to go with them - those feelings fade.  Thankfulness for all they've done replaces it quickly.  We have been surrounded with wonderful, giving people here. Some will really be missed, even after a short time with them.  Looking forward to seeing them at trip two already, and we haven't even left yet!


Have to mention too though that there is a really unpleasant, but necessary element in this time.  I'll keep details private but just say that no child arrives at this point with an easy past.  Their files and the memories in them are not forgotten.  Sometimes they are a part of what is handled during this time, but mostly they will just be addressed as needed as they surface.  This time, though, the child has the love and support of a family to help him through it - no small thanks to the many mentioned above.

On the plane home in about 36 hours!
Love from Latvia,
Sue and 2 of my 5 guys

Vitaly's Dad

Okay, so Bryan is going to get me for this..... but tonight I just want to highlight a different facet of adoption.  Not all adoptions involve dads, but ours does.  As I type this, Vitaly's Dad is out in the dark coordinating plans with him so that we can compromise on a request to drive his remote controlled car to the center of a busy city.  Easier to say no way!  But Bryan knows that for V, this is important.  We have to learn how to work together - build trust, learn responsibility, and so much more.  So, he takes the longer path of compromise.  While he does so, I get a few moments to focus on how exciting adoption is for a spouse!  

I think that most people get the excitement that comes with welcoming a new child into the family.  So much is new, celebrations and milestones.  But sometimes I/we focus so much on the child, that we miss an awful lot of other wonderfulness going on.  So, here are a few of my thoughts on how awesome it is to watch my husband father our son throughout this adoption....

I enjoy watching my husband be a father to our kids.  I love how he loves them.  Nathan, Andrew, and Jordan are all unique, amazing young men.  Has he made mistakes?  Yep, but who hasn't?  He goes out of his way to support their interests - whether lacrosse, computers, hockey, Psych, gardening, or countless others.  Don't know if they see it, but I do.

He does the same with Vitaly.  He has suddenly become interested in remote controlled cars, giving back rubs, Lightning McQueen, and walking to city center in Riga at odd times of the night to give a teen some freedom.

He gives up sleep, fills out form after form, arranges time off of work, gives up all privacy for social workers and agents, pours finances out, and humbly requests help in order to provide what Vitaly needs in order to come home.

He acts absolutely goofy (which I think he just wants an excuse to do anyway) not caring if people on the bus shoot him odd looks - V is laughing and that is what matters.  He hugs and kisses without hesitation - anytime and anywhere -  a child who craves affection.  This from a pretty reserved and introverted fellow.  But it is what V needs right now.

Sometimes it is easy to forget that the blessings of adoption go far beyond the child/ren.  Parents can grow so much, marriages develop, siblings stretch, friends and neighbors draw closer, communities of believers welcome new life, and God smiles.

And yes, we slept in, went bowling with friends, met up with an amazing woman who helps teens who have left the orphanages here, sat down for a little school, and so on.  All just support what I wrote above though - Bryan was a part of each of those - his kids bring out the best in him :)

Love from Latvia,

Sue 

Friends

A few photos from one of V's orphanages - we visited today after court.  Hope to go back one more time before we leave because many kids were away at an activity.  But here is a little picture of life before us....

at the outside gate - property inside is well kept, but area around them - not so nice

from the gate, there is a play area before the main building

eating area

V's old room

other side of his room

delivering surprises to a friend from her family

a very kind caregiver gives us the tour - thanks Ilze!

Can't stand thinking of leaving the others behind here...if anyone is willing to be stretched (in probably every way), please check the kids still available for summer hosting.  Some are able to be adopted after, some are not.  All need a family's love!  See www.newhorizonsforchildren.org or message me for info.  Glad to help, including fundraising :)  Don't let that stop you!

Decision Day!

Court day 3-27-12

In all honesty, we are breathing a huge sigh of relief right now.  First thing this morning was a court appointment. This was pivotal, because in Latvia children of a certain age must consent to the adoption.  Sounds like a simple matter, but not really.  You see, this is basically giving up all you have known for your entire life to trust that what and who is ahead will be good to and for you.  It takes bravery beyond what I can imagine. 

To give you a little picture, I'll try to recreate an exercise that we were led through at our host parent training that went something like this....

There is an emergency and you must leave your home with only 3 items/people.  What will they be?  Write it down, as that makes it more concrete and you HAVE to choose.  Not so easy when it comes right down to it?  Most people at training could do this, though some squirming was involved - and trying to weasel in extras (like a suitcase for one item, but it is full of other things - no fair!).

Next, you take those items and travel to another area of the room to settle a moment.  Bad news - tragedy strikes and there is only the ability for you to take two of the items/people with you this time.  One must stay behind.  What will it be?  Getting harder?  Seriously, write down and leave behind one of them.  Tough!  

Finally, we traveled to a last area and rested a bit.  You guessed it - have to go on with only one item/person. At this point folks in training were getting pretty stressed.  Often choosing that one most important item/person was truly painful to think about!  And this was not real.

In the end, we discussed it all to find that basically everyone gave up everything in order to have a family member stay with them - a spouse, child, parent, or grandchild.  Family was over all else.  

A few lessons that stuck with me from it?  One, every time we made a "move" we had choices to make, made them, and settled in.  Then, someone forced us to move again, choose again, and we didn't like it!  So it is with V and others in his old situation.  They are unable to "settle" in one place, they are told when/where to go, sometimes they have limited choices in things to take along, sometimes not.  We didn't like it at all - I'm sure that pales in comparison to their experiences by far.

The biggest point we were led to was this:  children who are hosted and/or adopted, especially internationally, must decide to give up what they have in order to get what we hold most dear.  To have a stable family, they must leave their birth country, sometimes extended family, learn a new language, leave very close friends (who often were their support in surviving to this point), and accept new everything, trusting people that they barely know with their futures.  It is not easy at all.  Giving up all that you have to get what you want and need most is risky.  Some are scared, some are saddened.  Some cannot do it.  I understand why much more now.

Today, the court asked V to sign a paper stating that he'd like to be adopted into our family.  He is 14, so that is his choice.  We were there to agree, but if he'd said no, he would be heading back to his orphanage today. It does happen, more than you'd think.  Understandable but so, so sad.  Thankfully he said, "Yes," so the court considered our request to take him home to America while paperwork in Latvia is finished.  They agreed to that request.  So, on 3/31, the three of us will fly to Maryland together.  One parent and Vitaly return to Latvia in a few months to finalize the adoption. (FYI - the kids have one last chance to say no at that final court gathering.) We fly home again. Then, a bit after that, a return to Latvia is in order so the Embassy can handle their paperwork for his citizenship.  At that point, he will be able to attend school in America.  Until then, Bryan and I will tag team in homeschooling him.

I think that catches us up, especially giving those of you who are new to this process a better picture of the long-term requirements.  

Later today we plan to visit one of the orphanages where he lived so that he can see and say goodbye to friends.  A big day!  You may even get two blog entries :)  We'll see.  

Thanks to all who are praying.  Much peace today, despite serious concern that I might toss my cookies on the floor of the court.  

Rejoicing,

Sue, with Bryan and Vitaly

What? Kas? Что?

mono-lingual, but trying to learn Latvian and Russian

we make it look easy, right?

Theater: The Mysterious Island movie since no Alvin and the Chipmunks today.  Good choice for us - action, humor, teens who like each other.  English, but Russian and Latvian subtitles.  Hard to focus with three languages going at once!  Don't know how he does it???  Thought we'd show you an example with the thoughts below....

tri-lingual!  all three of these make sense to him

Подсказка для будущего Латвии путешественников: если отчаянно нуждается вванной, когда в город автобусной станции центра, есть удобный "WC" знаком с очень хорошей женщине, которая позволит вам использовать ее. Имейте в виду,хотя - вы должны иметь эквивалент 40 центов, или она не так охотно. Кроме того, после передачи денежных средств, не забывайте о р который находится направом боку. Вы развернуться, что вам нужно и взять его с собой. В противном случае, вы идете без него! 

Tip turpmākai Latvijas ceļotājiem: ja izmisis par vannasistabu, kad pie pilsētas centrāautoostas, tur ir parocīgs "Tualete" zīmi ar ļoti jauku dāmu, kas ļaus Jums izmantot viņas.Lūdzu, ņemiet gan - jums ir jābūt ekvivalentu 40 centus vai viņa nav tik gatavs. Arī pēcnododot naudu, neaizmirstiet TP kas atrodas pie viņas labajā pusē. Jūs atritināt, kas jums nepieciešams, un ņemt to ar Jums. Citādi jums iet bez!

Tip for future Latvia travelers:  if desperate for a bathroom when at city center bus station, there is a handy "WC" sign with a very nice lady who will let you use hers.  Please be aware though - you must have the equivalent of 40 cents or she isn't so willing.  Also, after handing over the cash, don't forget the t.p. which is located at her right side.  You unroll what you need and take it with you.  Otherwise, you go without!  


Got the idea?? :)

Out for supper...Note to self: love the Lido restaurant pancakes, but skip the Kravass drinks.  Tastes like I am chugging vinegar.  Tried, but can't do it.

Gary and Jana Brumels have been a huge blessing!  Love that they are in the same building with their son, Alex.  The boys are having guy time, but we get parent time too.  These two boys are a riot!  Tonight we played Wii and Phase 10 after dinner.  Court tomorrow - be praying please.

Love from Latvia,

Sue, for Bryan and Vitaly too

A Typical Sunday???

Well, for us a typical Sunday involves church, dinner together and some family time.  Today was no different in that sense.  However, there were some unique aspects....

going to church

On a few occasions I've had the chance to worship with men, women, and children who speak a language other than my own.  It is always an awe-filled experience for me.  To find that God's Spirit connects us when we've never met, don't understand one another, have cultural differences, and so on - well, that just further convinces me that life is so much bigger than I understand.  I sang tunes that I recognized, but the words were awkwardly formed.  I heard a message that was translated by a very sweet and enthusiastic woman just behind me.  My new son attended the first youth gathering of his life - and it was in his own language; then chose a book ( a book!) in Latvian with Bible stories told through cartooning.  Perfect for him!  

I wasn't at our "home" gathering, but I was still home.  I wasn't with my whole family, but some - and  all I was with were extended family.  The words were not as easily understood, but that just made them more intently listened to and valuable.  

Typical?  Yes and no.

dinner together

So, Vitaly wanted to eat at McDonalds for dinner.  Why not?  It isn't much different, but what we heard about the ketchup?  True!  You pay for each packet - about 60 cents for one (about double normal size for American one).  Huh.  Well, the fries aren't the same without the ketchup.  I will say that we were much less wasteful with it!  More of the same, but with some twists.

Seeing that it was seriously cold and windy today, we were looking for indoor options for family time.  Vitaly had the idea of hitting Rigas Cirks. We found out that there was a performance in 30 minutes, so out into the cold again, onto the bus again, we arrived just in time.  Acrobats and clowns filled a small building in the city.  What fun to watch his face light up and laugh at things we have done with the other boys at different points.  So very glad to have this chance to build some memories and bind ourselves together with them.  Similar but not repetitive at all.

Probably the only typical Sunday activity missing was my nap :(  Oh well, maybe I'll get one in tomorrow.

Some of you may be thinking that this all sounds pretty vacation-y.  Well, in some ways, I guess it does have elements of that.  The difference is that Latvia's required "bonding period" is actually a gift to kids and families because it give us the opportunity to spend undivided time together in order to work out some of the differences in how we've lived separately before trying to dive in full time to creating a "new normal" every day routine.  And it is work.  You don't easily mesh together lives that have been spent apart on different continents and with different expectations for decades of time without a lot of effort from all involved.  

So, this Sunday has been full, just like all of the rest.  Full of people, places, hope, joy, love, challenges, questions, laughter, hugs, and so much more.  May you be blessed with the same.

Love from Latvia,

Sue (for Bryan and Vitaly too)

To Market, To Market, NOT Buying a PIG!

Rainy Saturday in Riga here.  Off to the massive Central Market in the city - hundreds of vendors in stalls and inside 4 huge old aircraft hangars.  Could live without spending too much time in the one dedicated to more meats than I knew existed - including the pig head staring at me forlornly as I turned one corner.  No pics because Bryan saw a "no cameras" sign somewhere and was following rules - phooey!  Guess you'll have to come and see it for yourselves.

Now the bread and baked goods - okay, could stay there all day!  Just the smells make a person add pounds!  Finally found the grape tea a friend recommended too.

Vitaly says, "Dad, you love Mom, you buys flowers!"  Good thinking, son :)  And what a selection!

rainy day activities...computer, music, supper with friends....
at Piranha Pizza (Tabitha - yum!! Good suggestion!)

We also enjoyed a family movie this afternoon - Peterson Kino (theater) was so cozy however, that Mom and Vitaly saw maybe 5 minutes of Hugo before passing out.  Dad says it is a very good show though :)  Have to take his word on that....

Turning clocks back tonight, so we'll be 7 hours ahead of America then.  Good night friends!

MESSAGE FROM VITALY:  Hello. How are you?  What you doing?

Lost in translation....

Tonight was time for letting Vitaly guide us.  Bryan asked him if we could do something special - play laser tag!  He was super excited and said he knew just where to go!  Well, we certainly didn't understand the directions, so we just followed him along as he read bus schedules, street signs, and asked people for clarification.  After about 4 or 5 bus/trolley switches, we were totally lost in a part of the city we'd never seen and could no way find our way home from.  Well, exciting for V to lead the way.  And laser tag is a fun reason to travel all over to find a good one!

Imagine our surprise when we walk into the giant mall area and he leads us into a bookstore/electronics shop.  What???  Nothing like any laser tag we have ever seen?  V heads to the cashier and I thought he was asking for help.  He sure was!  She pulls out a tray of the nicest little laser pointers you have ever seen :)  He has wanted one since Christmas so that he can drive the cat crazy.  Apparently, when Bryan said "laser tag" he focused on the LASER part.  Cheapest laser tag we could have ever found - $3!! Although I'm thinking there surely was one closer :) And our tour guide was pretty awesome and knowledgeable too.  Never know what is coming next....

Serious Business

what? school?  you kidding?  Nope!

While we have had a lot of fun in recent days, there is much about adopting that more official, businesslike, and even painfully hard.  However, Vitaly is worth every bit of it.  So is every other child that I've met here.  Some of the business today included a visit from our social worker.  Very amazing lady who spoke pretty directly.  She knows what an important decision is coming up.  Oh, I forget that many of you don't know how this works.  Here, a teenager is given the choice of whether to accept a family's offer of adoption.  We won't get into my frustrations with what a difficult position that puts a child in.  The bottom line is that before going home, they are asked again if they want to be adopted.  If not, they go back to the orphanage.  Yes, this happens more often than I want to think about.  The child has to be very, very brave to give up what little he or she has and the ways of survival learned, as well as accept boundaries they aren't used to just when teens are usually getting more freedom instead of less.  So, she reminded him of all of this today.  What a choice! 

So, Tuesday is the day for his decision.  Until then, we go forward loving him and this place because that is really what we CAN do.  For those of you who pray, please remember this huge point in time - it will be while you are sleeping early Tuesday morning for you in America.  For those of you who don't pray, but are willing to stretch some for V, we welcome your joining us too.  God hears all!

Other business before pleasure?  SCHOOL!  Yep, Vitaly had his first day with Mom and Dad teaching.  He looked pretty much disgusted at the thought.  Then he tried to bargain down to 3 subjects.  I asked how many he has in his old school - he said 6 or 7.  I said, so why would we only have 3?  He just gave me that grin :)  Anyway, our school uses playdoh and goofy drawings by Mom and real money situations with Dad. Writing assignments to friends in America by doing posts and messages in English - that is homework?  Huh - no fighting there. Don't think it was too bad, because when it was break time and Dad was "resting his eyes," V was yelling, "Come on Dad!  Hey, let's go!"  Haha!

So, a little homework tonight, then fun!  Not sure what that will include, but it won't matter because we are together.  Wishing the other 3 boys were here too though.  Actually, V asked if we could all come to Latvia together someday.  Boy, wouldn't that be awesome?!?  Maybe I'll suggest that he pray that way!

Love from Latvia,

Sue, Bryan, and Vitaly

Forever

Very little sleep last night with all of the excitement and some adjustments from transferring to home from the orphanage, but parenting is not easy - no matter the child or the age at which he or she enters the family.  However, every day and every experience brings the possibility of growing and loving, giving and forgiving, and so much more.  What an adventure life is!

Continuing our celebration today, but focusing in on one small but important piece.  In Latvia, there is a beautiful tradition for those who are getting married.  They choose a lock, engrave names and the wedding date, lock it onto a bridge, and throw the keys into the river.  A symbol of commitment and togetherness, come what may.

Well, many adopting families have begun to do the same.  We did just that today!  Our commitment to Vitaly comes before the adoption is final, because in our hearts he is our son now.  If you are in Latvia, check to see if you can find it!  The bridge is just to the left of the "Freedom Monument," which we think is a perfect choice for us!

BSNAJV Peterson FOREVER 2012
(Bryan, Sue, Nathan, Andrew, Jordan, and Vitaly)
love Bryan and Vitaly holding the lock :)

v throws away the keys!

More exploring of the city and spending time with new friends and families the rest of the day - easy? no wonderful? yes

Love from Latvia,
Sue, Bryan, and Vitaly

FINALLY - reunion day has arrived!

Last night instead of the disco, we had a wild Farkle game (with 5 instead of 6 dice since apparently one is still in USA) with the Brumels family.  Fun!  Bryan won, but barely :)

Up again in the middle of the night for awhile - just going with it. So slept until noon.

Out to explore Old Riga a little - wow!  Such a wonderful city!  We had lunch at a cozy little restaurant.  Note to you who come after us - if you order salmon and potato pancakes, as Bryan did - the salmon would be the stuff on the side that looks like a pile of tomato salsa!  :P He almost finished his meal and left without eating any salmon because he didn't know what it was!  Haha!!

yes, still some ice and snow

Museum of Latvian Occupation

the surprising salmon restaurant

After that, we explored the Latvian Occupation Museum - showing all of the years of Russian and German occupation of this little but determined to survive country and its people.

Finally, we received a call from Daina, the lawyer!  Vitaly was here!!!  We could go to get him immediately!   So, we certainly did!  He is still the best at giving hugs :)  Can't even begin to describe how it felt to see him again....  He says - you are a LONG time to come!  We said, YOU were a long time to come!  :)

the newest addition

This trip to the store was much easier because we had our translator!  He also picked a special cake for celebrating this first day home.  He wants to invite the Brumels to join us.

Gotta go get cake!!!!  Thanking God for much this night!
Love to all,
Bryan, Sue, and Vitaly